Help with this cover letter?

To Whom It May Concern:

My name is Timothy Glen Vaughan and I am applying for this job opportunity, because I believe that your business will be a great career opportunity for you as well as I. I like the friendly and helpful atmosphere of your business which has sadly has became a rarity. I believe that I bring many good qualities to the table that can be useful to your store as and that I can gain many things from this career opportunity.



I believe that I could handle the responsibilities whether it is as a stocker, cashier, or bag boy without many altercations. As I just said I would be happy with whatever openings you have at this time and will do the job with all of my effort. I was brought up to be a hard worker and not slack off. I have stayed active and helped the community through many clubs and organizations, I have been a member of 4-H, FFA, BPA, FCA, and have participated in chorus and football throughout my high school years.



As you will see from my resume, I have previous business experience from my time working for McDonalds. I have worked on farms since I was 12 (driving tractor, hauling hay, cut wheat, etc.) and thanks to these opportunities I have learned the meaning of hard work and will not show laziness in my work



I thank you for reading this and am hoping to hear from you soon on your decision. I can be reached by phone at: 580-555-5555 or by e-mail at

timmy_vaughan@yahoo.com

Thanks again for taking the time to read this



Sincerely

Timothy Glen Vaughan



please make suggestions and please be criticalHelp with this cover letter?
Timothy,



Sometimes you appear negative in your words. For example, don't say that the friendly and helpful atmosphere has become a rarity. Instead say something like "from what I have learned about your store it is an inviting and employee friendly and a nice place to work. I would be very interested in a position there."



Don't say "as I just said" - this is a short letter, not a novel. The person reading it probably didn't forget what you said a few sentences ago.



If you have enclosed your resume just give a brief highlight of it. Use the cover letter to convey information about you that isn't listed on the resume - the fact that you are active in your school and community, for example, probably isn't on your resume. Highlight it here.



The cover letter is to get the person interested enough in you to read your resume. Here's the one I used to use when I was searching for jobs (or something like this):



Dear (actual name of the person - I find out by calling the company):



Please accept the enclosed resume in response to your ad in Sunday's newspaper. I believe I have the skills and abilities that would make me successful in such a position.



{here is where I would higlight something about myself that is listed in the ad - if it says must be computer literate I might say "I have ten years experience working with various Microsoft Office products and consider myself competent in their use" or a variation thereof.



I would appreicate the opportunity to meet with you in person and discuss the requirements of the position in more detail. You can reach me by phone at 555-1212 or by email at _____.



Thank you for your consideration.



Sincerely,



Timothy Glen Vaughan





Google "cover letter examples" and you might find one that works for you that you can basically use almost word for word.



I wish you luck.