Please help with my cover letter?

To Whom It May Concern:

My name is Timothy Glen Vaughan and I am applying for this job opportunity, because I believe that your business will be a great career opportunity for you as well as I. I like the friendly and helpful atmosphere of your business which has sadly has became a rarity. I believe that I bring many good qualities to the table that can be useful to your store as and that I can gain many things from this career opportunity.



I believe that I could handle the responsibilities whether it is as a stocker, cashier, or bag boy without many altercations. As I just said I would be happy with whatever openings you have at this time and will do the job with all of my effort. I was brought up to be a hard worker and not slack off. I have stayed active and helped the community through many clubs and organizations, I have been a member of 4-H, FFA, BPA, FCA, and have participated in chorus and football throughout my high school years.



As you will see from my resume, I have previous business experience from my time working for McDonalds. I have worked on farms since I was 12 (driving tractor, hauling hay, cut wheat, etc.) and thanks to these opportunities I have learned the meaning of hard work and will not show laziness in my work



I thank you for reading this and am hoping to hear from you soon on your decision. I can be reached by phone at: 580-555-5555 or by e-mail at

timmy_vaughan@yahoo.com

Thanks again for taking the time to read this



Sincerely

Timothy Glen Vaughan



please make suggestions and please be criticalPlease help with my cover letter?
Dear Ladies and Gentlemen:



Allow me to introduce myself. I am Timothy Glen Vaughan and I am interested in applying for employment at your store. As you can see from my resume, I have previous experience both in food service and farm work. Both of which have instilled a great work ethic. I have also been active in my community through organizations such as 4-H, FFA, BPA and FCA. In addition, I am also active in chorus and football at my high school.



I am anxious to begin what I hope to be a mutually beneficial business relationship and hope to hear from you soon!



Sincerely,



Timothy Glen Vaughan

Home phone (580) 555-5555

E-mail:timmy_vaughan@yahoo.com





As you can see, I shortened it-most employers do not want to read a long cover letter. I think it still covers the main idea of what you want to tell them without being overly verbose.Please help with my cover letter?
Sorry but you got the wrong category. Please repost your question under careers.