Was the Sin Really Mine?

I'm a klinefelter who till recently worked in the entertainment media. In March 2001 I met Ahsin, a handsome young guy who wanted to take up modeling. He looked honest %26amp; sweet %26amp; though I didn't get too personal with those whom I worked with, I was attracted enough to him to strike up a friendship but was aware enough of my biological condition, our age difference %26amp; him being straight to maintain a safe distance. And yet in time, I fell in love with him.



During our first assignment, Ahsin sent rather flirtatious signals my way. I informed him of my situation %26amp; that I did not wish to start what could not be accomplished. He told me he was in love with me too %26amp; that he wanted to be with me.



And so our friendship eased into a relationship from the chemistry of which I left out the physics which he insisted on adding. An year passed by %26amp; then I caught him dating a girl. I confronted him %26amp; he confessed. I was quick to end the relationship. He begged %26amp; cried for me to not leave him.



He didn't get along with his family. I advised him to reconcile with them but he didn't want to %26amp; so i let him move in with me. His parents threatened me with life if I didn't throw him out. I lodged a complaint with the police for which he testified against them. Eventually I persuaded him to move back home because to me family comes first. He reluctantly moved back home.



I funded and managed his physical grooming, education modeling career %26amp; groomed his personality. I nursed im through his many illnesses. I got him assignments with top clients like Mcdonalds (mcflurry), Lipton %26amp; Telenor from which he made good money of which i did not take a penny. I rather invested a lot of time, care and money in our relationship. 6 years passed. Then, one day, out of the blue, he told me he was leaving for the UK to study. I was totally not ready for that but couldn't talk him out of his decision. In Oct 2007 he left for London leaving me totally alone %26amp; depressed.



During the next 6 months he consoled me on chat %26amp; in calls, swearing he was totally faithful to me %26amp; was in the UK only till he finished his MBA. In April 2008 however he confessed he had gone to UK on falsified bank statements %26amp; had enrolled at some scam college because he didn't have the money to pay for tuition fee. He said he was working at McDonalds full time just to make ends meet. I started having panic attacks %26amp; was put on antidepressants but couldn't deal with the pain.



Later, he told me he had decided to settle down in the UK %26amp; that I'd have to come live there with him once he sorted things out. That was the last straw. I told him it was over between us because he knew it was impossible for me to leave my career and move to another country. He cried on the phone %26amp; begged me not to leave him.



In Oct 2008 he came down on vacations %26amp; spent a week with me. He swiped me off my feet with love %26amp; devotion %26amp; just as before, my faith in him was renewed. He took his stuff he had left in my apartment with him which I didn't think much of.



In Feb 2009, a week before my birthday i told him i couldn't live without him %26amp; that when he was ready I was willing to move to the UK with him. He was the happiest man on earth.



In Apr 2009, a week after his birthday during a call I made to him, he confessed that for the last 8 years he had lied to me about everything, that for the last four years he had been in love with a female Muslim convert in the UK for whom he had migrated %26amp; to whom he was soon marrying. He told me he did not love me anymore but did care for me.



I was DEVASTATED %26amp; attempted suicide. When he found out, he begged me to take care of myself, told me he would never leave me %26amp; that he was asking for my permission to marry. In Sep, 2009 he got married. My life was never the same after that. My panic attacks became worse, I cried all the time %26amp; became a recluse.



Finally, I told him it was okay he got married %26amp; that I would be grateful if he could stay my friend. I knew I sounded desperate but I WAS desperate to keep some little place in his life. Between Sep, 2009 %26amp; Sep 2010 he kept reassuring me that he would not abandon me totally. But when I asked him once to loan me some money because I had no money left, he refused outright saying he did not WANT to send it to me but didn't give me any reason. I was shocked.



In Oct, 2010, he shut his UK mobile number. His email account was deactivated %26amp; since he'd never added me to his fb account, I could no longer get in touch with him. In Feb 2011, I was diagnosed with Variant Angina, a stress induced cardiac condition. When I finally got through to him, he said he didn't wish to contact me ever again because I reminded him of a sinful life he wanted to forget. Since that day he's not answered my calls.



I want to ask everyone out there ... did I really deserve this fate? Was it really my sin to love this person more than I loved life? Or amWas the Sin Really Mine?
The only mistake that you made was to allow yourself to be vulnerable to be loved. This is why I don't believe in relationships because if a good person gets hurt then it can change their life forever in the worst way. This is why I only have 2 really close friends, and haven't had a romantic relationship in the last 7 years. Just learn from this mistake, and it wasn't your fault it's human nature to want to be loved.Was the Sin Really Mine?
Absolutely not, it is completely Ahsin's fault.
I think he gave you a purpose in life for a while, but now its time to move on...Was the Sin Really Mine?
No it's not your sin, he's a dick.
Camille is an idiot, you don't choose to be gay you retarded zealot.
Well, honey, that's quite a story.........Exactly who put you on antidepressants? A Doctor? Because you need to see one. A Therapist. Panic attacks and attempted suicide are RED FLAGS that you are now Out Of Control and need help!

I'm sorry for the trajectory of your life...but you really MUST move on.Was the Sin Really Mine?
It is sad that you even started the affair because you knew ahead of time that two men in love is a sin. So when you step out from under the covering of the Lord by acting on temptation from the devil you are playing with fire and it always burns you.

Then devil hates all human beings saved or unsaved. He does not care his idea is to woo you with these temptations and then throw the book of hell at you and ruin your life.

Then he can have your soul.

But the good news is that Jesus died for your sins and for your heartache and broken heart.

Jesus loves you now and wants to make all things that have hurt you and harmed you go from your life.

You need Jesus and He will be your burden barer and He will love you back to life again.

I know of a link that will help you in all ways and will pray for you and they love Jesus because they too were once where you are and they asked Jesus into their lives and Jesus came in and made their lives brand new.

Please do not fear nor worry Jesus is the way the truth and the life that you need.



please go to www.victorjadamson.com

and find true friends who want to help you be the person Jesus wants you to be and you will experience real joy.



read this prayer out loud and mean it



"God, I recognize that I have not lived my life for You up until now. I have been living for myself and that is wrong. I need You in my life; I want You in my life. I acknowledge the completed work of Your Son Jesus Christ in giving His life for me on the cross at Calvary, and I long to receive the forgiveness you have made freely available to me through this sacrifice. Come into my life now, Lord. Take up residence in my heart and be my king, my Lord, and my Savior. From this day forward, I will no longer be controlled by sin, or the desire to please myself, but I will follow You all the days of my life. Those days are in Your hands. I ask this in Jesus' precious and holy name. Amen."

If you decided to repent of your sins and receive Christ today, welcome to God's family. Now, as a way to grow closer to Him, the Bible tells us to follow up on our commitment.

Get baptized as commanded by Christ.

Tell someone else about your new faith in Christ.

Spend time with God each day. It does not have to be a long period of time. Just develop the daily habit of praying to Him and reading His Word. Ask God to increase your faith and your understanding of the Bible.

Seek fellowship with other followers of Jesus. Develop a group of believing friends to answer your questions and support you.

Find a local church where you can worship God.
Love is the highest level of caring. The deepest, healing respect for an entity of life, that anything less diminishes ALL..

I am sorry for you because you trusted in a person that had no idea what to equate with love.

LOVE is not a sin. He had a deep rooted imposed worldview that made it nearly impossible to accept himself as he was intended to be.

By the time you reach an age when you can understand an idea with substance. Your at an age when the idea will be tossed aside if it doesn鈥檛 fit in with the world-view imposed on you.

False beliefs are maintained by strong confirmation, or the tendency to seek information that confirms preexisting beliefs. Information that dis-confirms them is thrown out.

This bias is much more then academic when social issues are concerned. For instance if you are raised to believe a certain way, or republicans have the best agenda, or someone you work with is always wrong about everything, you will seek information that confirms those beliefs and rarely examine, remember or notice dis-confirming evidence. The more this happens the deeper rooted your belief becomes.

You sound like a person that has a love that is a great-goodness. Forgive him and forget him.

Anything less would be like pouring "Drano" in your system. COPE. There is NO sin here.