Can someone please help me EDIT my COLLEGE ACCEPTANCE LETTER?

the prompt is to write about something important to me and the significance to me.

Thanks.



College to me has always been an issue of great importance to me. All throughout my life college has been a priority for me. Lately though, this priority

has become my main concern.

Coming from a poor family of seven kids and a single mother, education really

is my only way out of the slums which are my neighborhood. Living in an

environment where drugs, sex, violence, and murder are a common thing, has

really been a catalyst in my decision to get out of the ghetto. Growing up in

this community has really opened my eyes and made me realize the kind of life

that awaits me after graduating high school. Working minimum wage for long

strenuous hours five days out of the week to barely make ends meet.

Impregnating my girlfriend, stuck having to support my family on minimum wage.

Having kids and watching them grow up, my wife and I worrying about all the

necessities and expenditures, for the lack of money we have will not allow us

to afford much. Watching my kids graduate from the same high school which I

did. Working past the age of sixty, my wife and I would retire and watch our

kids start the same cycle in which we partook.

I often find myself pondering of my life after high school if do not go to

college and I cannot help but think that I will fall into the oblivious hole

of oak cliff. A hole in which life is the same every day, people are the same,

places are the same, and the only things changing is the increase in crime rate

and the decreased age of pregnant girls. This hole is filled with mediocrity in

which I am doomed undertake in a cycle of life where getting the manager

position at McDonald's is your career's zenith. Life in oak cliff consists of

reoccurring series of events; take kids to school, work, eat, sleep, and star

over the next day. A series in which the kids will follow in their adult life.

There isn't a reason I can fathom that would make me choose this life.

If I were doomed to live this life, my life would be a life no more. I would be

another pawn in this community in which my work and the work of my community

keep the rich, rich, and the poor, poor.

I loathe the oak cliff life. I want to be better than this but I have fallen

victim to the careless mindset of the oak cliff people. I subsided and became a

careless teen in school and out of school. I skipped classes, skipped homework,

tried some drugs, and hung out with the wrong people. It was not until midway

through my junior year in high school which I comprehended the gravity of my

foolishness. I was stuck at the bottom of my class, grades which were horrible

and with no great accomplishments. I promised myself I would do better, but the

change was gradual, currently I am not at the top of my class, I moved from the

bottom of my class to the middle, and am hoping to move to the top. Community

college is an option but is an option which I do not want. This is just a lie

in which many high school grads fall into. The lie being that they will finish

their basics in a community college and transfer to a university but many of

these kids see their life change in two years; they come to see that work has

become their priority instead of school or some unexpected event or effect

causes them to quit school. There are many reasons why one might see as going

to a community college right out of high school as an option but to me this is

not an option. Community college fir me would mean staying in this same area

full of memories and reminders of the need to get out and accomplish my goals

in life, but with my prolonged stay, the first step to achieving the success

that I want will be hindered and the longer I stay, the more withered my dream

becomes.



The dream of being simple but laborious to fabricate. It鈥檚 a dream which is a

life goal as well. The vain dream of wanting to get out of a small narrow

minded community which offers limited opportunities for the craving of my heart

and desire of my soul to overcome a customary life which has precluded my family for generations. Though my family has not always lived in Oak cliff the burden is in our blood and the success is our minds the only difference now is my opportunity to making this a reality. College is by far a matter in which has stupendous significance to me, because college is the catalyst for my life's eminence.Can someone please help me EDIT my COLLEGE ACCEPTANCE LETTER?
"College to me has always been an issue of great importance to me. All throughout my life college has been a priority for me. Lately though, this priority

has become my main concern."

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I couldn't get passed this first paragraph to realize you will be doomed to a life of flipping burgers. You. Are. Doomed.